The Ultimate Zelda Trollfic
by starwarsfanatic1632
Summary: Lets dive deep into the world of trollfics and read the most hilariously bad fanfiction ever, written by me of coarse. Can you survive reading this? My attempt at a trollfic. NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! IF EASILY OFFENDED, DO NOT READ!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hey guys, Ahsoka here! Since I'm in a humorous mood today, I'm gonna do something a little different. I'm gonna write my first trollfic that's my first posted Legend of Zelda fanfic.** **This is just to poke fun at all the trollfics and unintentionally bad stories I've read on . Just to let you guys know, this story is NOT to be taken seriously at all. So just have fun reading, and enjoy... prepz. By the way, I DO NOT own Zelda.**

author's note: i luv da legend of zelda games, so i desided to write mi own zelda fanfic. fangs to DaFeaturedCreature for helping me with da story and spelling. U rock. And NO! I'm NOT ripping off tara gilesbian! FUK u!

Link (author's note: NOT ZELDA, RETARDS!) wuz sleeping on da bed in his kokori house until teh alarm clock rang, saying "WAKE THE FUCK UP, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" the ten year old boy immediately smashed the fuckin' thing with his fist, but he hurt hisssself cuz he was a pussy.

"FUCK!1111" yelled Link as he crlotched his bokken hand. he then got up and stretched, but strechgde too hard and broke his back. "DOUBLE FUCK!111111111" he yelled and fell over in pain.

a bug then came up to him and bit him on da nose. "TRIPLE FUCK!111111eleven1111111"

link yelled again. chuck norris then came out of no where and kicked him in the balls and walked back out of the story.

"QUADRUPLE FUCK!!" da hero of time shouted. "NAVI! Navi, get me some red potion! I'm dying!" he groaned in pain on teh floor. even though he was da hero of hyrule, he was a kid again, so he sucked ass now. eventhough he was in a kick-ass sequel, Majora's Mask, which was better than Ocarina of Time (author's note: IN YO FACE, OOT FANBOYS!), he still was a small boy who had to constantly avoid pedos and shit.

then navi float to link, carrying a big-ass potion bottle which was more like a jar (author's note: seriously, why do thay call it dat? it's looks more like a jar! is miyamoto high?)

navi looked very slutty for some reason. maybe becuz she kept fucking da great deku tree. you're probably wondering 'why navi is there if she disappeared at da end of Ocarina of Time?' I don't know, FUCK CONTINUITY.

"stop being a wuss" said navi, giving da potion to linkara, who den said "fangs, navi. ur so goffic!"

link drank the potion and was now better. da widdle hero got up, scratching his ass and walked out of his tree house. he was about to climb da ladder when he realized dat it was missing and he fell down.

"din dammit!" da hylian yelled (authors note: what's hylian mean amyway? dat sounds like fuking a soft drink!) but was not hert. he walked cheerfully to mido, who was some asshole who because he becane a asshoe (author's note: c is dat redundant?) when his fairy (author's note: ew not in dat way) was raped by a deku scrub.

"hi, mido" sed link said in a gay accent.

"go fuck yourself, link" replyd da assholic mido. he was smoking a cigar. (author's note: what? u didn't know dey had cigars in hyrule? lol, ur so dumb.)

"mido, you wanna play hide and seek?" said link

"fuck you, link." shouted mido

den navi flew to link, yelled "hey listen hey listen hey listen!" but link got a gun and shot da fairy in da face, killling dat meen bitch. "i always hated dat fairy" said link in a arnold schwartzeneggar accent. eventhough link sucked, he was also sometimes a badass mother fucker.

mido got scared and ran away like a chicken!

author's note: wuz dat exiting? please review! if you flame, ur a prep!

**Well, that's my first trollfic. I hope it's bad enough.**


	2. moar cwap AKA You fail at spelling!

**Ahsoka: Hey guys, it's me again for another chapter of my pathetic excuse for a story.**

author's note: sup bitches, since you fuckin hated my story, im goooona prove to you all dat im legit!

link den saw da foxy lady fado, but dont you get horny about that you fukin pedos! abyway, link saw fado and walkd up to her and said, "yo baby wats up?" fado got pissed and punched him in the balls.

"fuck off, perv!" said teh hot chicken. link fell and started crying and everone in da village laughed at him.

"AAAAAAAUUURRGG! FUUUUUUUCK! OW, FUCK!11" he got up, still clutching his crotch and started to run around. "im fuckin bleeding! IM FUCKIN BLEEDING! IM BLEEDING OUT MY FUCKIN BALLS, DUDE!"

then things got seeeerious and fado sayed " hey sit down, dont run around!"

but the hylalien didnt listen and ran into saria, his good friend... sorta. he knocked saria over and she fell. "ouch! watch were ur going, fucker!" but then she opened her eyes and saw dat it was link, her good friend and sexual fantasy. he wuz on the grond to and still was in pain from fuckdo's ball punch.

"oh shit! im sorry link! let me help you up!" and da future sage of hyrule helped the hero of time up.

he was still in pain and sara asked if he wat happend. "what happend?" she asked. and link said

"fado punched me in the balls" replied link.

"hah! i didn't know you had balls!" called mido from across da village. " i always thought you were a nutlless sack of shit!' dat asshole started laughing like a asshole but den saria got pissed of and walked over to mido and kicked him all the way to the moon!

"... ck!111111111111" said mido as he was went to da moon dat had da trollface from ma-whore-a's mask.

"HOLY SHIT!1111" sed link with his eyes ass big ass deku nuts (geddit?). "UR SCARIER DEN ANIME GIRLZ WEHN THERE PISSED!111111"

saria giggled evily, dat creepy bitch. saria then walked to link and whispad "fried chicken", nah just kidding, lol. she actually whispered in his pointeh ear" thanks you" but link moved away cuz he was afraid that saria was gonna rape him and said "thatfsahl wasn't a compliment."

saria got pissed again and fliped link off sayin "well fuck you then!" and turned around and ran to her house. link was then like "fuck it" and decided to visit da know-it-all-becuz-im-a-conceited-prick brothers. they thought they know evrythin about shit and they allllways rubed it all in people's faces. what douchebags.

link walked it and said "wuts up?" they looks at him with a 'wtf-is-this-piece-of-shit-doin-here-in-our-house?' look and they looks like there going to explode. "dafuq are you doing here, you inferior unintellebent (c is dat how you spell it?) shit-sucker?" asked a brother. they were all smoking crack.

"nottin" said da little elf shit. "whatreyoudoin?"

"just chillin" da 2nd one said, playin on da n64. he puffed up a ring of smoke and said, "i kep gettin killed by gannonderp. wanna cig?"

"no tanks" sed link. he then turned to da camera and said pointing "say 'no' to drugs, or yool be fucked up as theeees assholes."

"wat wus dat?" sed teh 3rd 1 who just got finnish beatin up da 4th one. the 4th one was on da grion wailing in pain. "u fuker" he sayed.

"uh, nuthin" said linkara but da 3rd brother didnt buy it and beat da shit outta linkara and linkara beat.

"uh..." sed linkara as he had bruses up the ass, 2 black eyes, bleedin everywere and was fucked up.

"kow get out!" da turd one yellowed at linkara, and kiked him outta da house. da midget heroooo groaned in palin. he hatted how heeee sucked azz & how he was a chid agayn & ppl treeted him lyk shit & odder shit. he cried sexily (geddit, cuz dat is so goffic!11111111).

he den crawled bak 2 hiz apartment. he was so sexplxyoaf jhadsgfl;kh;sd,.sajkhlfdsa;lh:Dvhb;ljhbxczv ',!

awturz not: srry i m high wen i rote 2ndddd haf ov da chappa.

**Ahsoka: I might do a chapter 3 of this trollfic, I don't know. What do you guys think?**


	3. Da nightmare! AKA Ganondorf's a pedo?

**Ahsoka: Sorry it took so long. Been busy with school and stuff. Oh, and Happy late Halloween! Here's Chapter 3!**

author's note: hay guyz it is tim 4 da next chappa! dun dun dun! ppl sayed i my speeeeling is shit so i had sum azzhole fix it. got intu fite wit dafeaturecreature because i stole her fanfish and boob da builder posta so now she doozent spel chek 4 me anymoar. FOOK 00F!

linkara was having nightmare. he have nightmare of bad thing. in nightmare he was walking along forest trail. forest trail kokori of trees. it was dark and spooky because forest is like that. kinda like everfree forest from that one pony show. anyway, the link was walking and saw tree stump and sitting on it was a skull kid and he was... masturbating!

"dafuq?" said link.

the skull kid turn arund and fliped his bird at link. the bird flew to link and shat on him! what an asshole!

"ah! fuck! what was dat 4!?" link was now crying like a pussy becuse bird shit got in his eyes and staining his irisez making them black like the moon.

"cuz your a faggot, and as you can see, we skull kids hate faggots!" said da skull kitty.

"i aint not a fag, asshole!" said link as he pulled his ocarina out of his ass and played the "get the fuck out of here" song. the skull scremmed and cryed loudly.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH! FUCK YOU!" he then melted into horse shit. the horse shit started speakin to link. link was now scared. shit doesn't talk! he thought.

"link" said the pile of horse shit. "thank you for liberalating me from dat dutchbag skull kid. i cummed here to tell u da evil wizard u fought will cum bake to take over da land. u must kill him. he wants your ass."

"oh no" link said.

"yes" said the shit. it then turned into a green guy in a fancy gay armer. he had a big nose like professor snape. it was... GANONDERP!

"NNNNOoOoOoOoOoOoO!" said vader link.

"liiiiink..." sed ganonderp in ghostly voice. "i wanna rape yoooouuuuuu..."(AN: HURR DURR, RAPE IS FUNNEH!)

he ran at da hero.

"NO! i don't wanna get fucked in da ass!" yelled link.

he den woke up in his bed.

"wat a fucked up dream!" link said. he then saw saria next to his bed.

"let's have sex. she said. "and they did.

{SEX SCENE CUT BECUZ I SUCK AT DEM!}

"Thanks you 4 fuking me, saria. you are true fiend."

"no probe" said the slutty kokori. so why were you having night mare?"

"becuz ganonderpy is bak and wants to fuck my ass." said linkara.

"oh okay." she said.

da hero of time then got his stuff and left to defeat the gerudo pedo.

as link was leavin he saw navi. she was beating the fuck outta mido because he is douchebag.

link decided to leab her because she mite laugh at him if ganonderp fuks him in the ass.

"buy navi" he said.

"peace, mutha fukka" she said back.

link then left cockori vilage to get epona for quest. he saw dat epona... WAZ MISSING!

he then saw some1 riding away with her to hyrule field. it was doc louis from punch-out!, and he was stealin his horse!

linkara chased after him, yelling:" N#$%^ STOLE MY HORSE!" (AN: c is dat racist?)

**Ahsoka: I think I just lost some brain cells writing this!**


	4. NEW STEED! AKA Yes, I'm a brony

**Ahsoka: Happy late Thanksgiving, everyone!**

Ethur's nut: fangs 4 da goffs dat dond tink ma stoory iz shit! u rok & so duhs nostalgia critic! she's awsum!

"cum bak here with mah hore you rabies shaker!" yelled link as he chassed teh N #$% across hyrule field.

louis was saiding "fuck you, mutha fuqqa!" & fliped oof linkara. teh elf waz sad now. but he determinned to get his pwny steed back. he put on bunny hood he got from playboy bunny and ran like rod runner and crashed into ass of epona. da pony shat all ova linkara, cozing homophobic leeches to crawl into his nosetrils and shit in his mouth.

"ew." link sed. da n #$% rode away on epwna saying "bye buy, pony ass fucker!"

"f-fuq you, prick!" link said azz he crawled out of da pile of horse shit. how deed he know link fukked pwnies? doc brown rode away into the sun but sun waz pissed off dat day so it took a gun and shot him an epwna making dem explode into a bunch of cafetia gufta's (AN: wat eva dat meens.)

link ran to them and said oh no, mai hore is dead! who will replace her?" da minute he said tat, a pink widdle pwny tackled da hero of lime to the ground.

"OH OH OH OH OH PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME!" she said to linkara as she bounced on him, crackin hiz ribs." (AN: no not dat kinda crack, u fuggin stonerz!)

"OOF OOF OOF OOF OOF OOF OOF OOF! GET OFF ME YA CRAZY FUKING HORSE BITCH!" link sed as he tryed to get da pwny off of him. she got off. lika got good look at pwny and saw hoo it wuz!

it was... PINKIE PIE!

da earth pwny was pink and shit like dat. her mane wuz poofy, and her eyes were big and blue like a million girl cumshots in the rising suns of a gorilla's poop-filled dick. she wuz a bit smaller den epwna and she had dat retarded smile. she had round sexy flank (an: ew not in tat way, u fukin clopperz!). worms were crawlin out of her bunghole.

link saw her & hiz face lit up like crazy.

"LIKE HOLY FUKING SHIT IT'S MAH FAVORITE PWNY FROM DAT FUGGIN AWSUM SHOW!" he screemmed and hugged stinkie pie so hard dat he made her throw up ALLLLOVER him but he not care cos he still luvs her for being ideal sex toy.

"zo can eye cum?" zaid pinkie.

"OOF COURZE U RETARDED PWNY!" yelled linkara cheerfullee as he wipped da vomit off his skirt.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" said da pinkie slut as she grabbed linkra by da balls and put him on tup ov her and dey rode off to da 1st dungeon.

DA ADVENCHURE HAD BEGUN! :D


End file.
